Raging Bully/Transcript
(Scene opens up showing the Flynn-Fletcher house.) Na, na, na (In the living room...) Candace: Jeremy is so cute, especially when he's in his Mr. Slushy Dog Uniform. Linda: Candace, My jazz trio has a gig at the Squat 'n Stitch today. Why don't you, Phineas and Ferb hang out at the mall together? Candace: The mall? (Ding) I can visit Jeremy at Mr. Slushy Dog! (At the Googolplex Mall) Linda: (with her jazz trio in a gig at Squat 'n Stitch) Testing. Welcome everyone, uh, we'll be playing some free-formed jazz today. It might get a little crazy, so, hold on to those knitting needles. (Plays triangle) Hit it, girls! (Linda's trio starts playing jazz music. Meanwhile, in the food court...) Candace: Alright, squirts. Here's your cut. I'll see you back here in 2 hours. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to Mr. Slushy Dog. Phineas: Hey, where's Perry? (Meanwhile, Perry backs up against the side of the drink machine, makes sure no one's looking, and puts on his fedora. He then scans his foot and goes down a slide to his lair, but it is squeaky and Perry is forced to slide himself to the end) Major Monogram: Sorry about that, Agent P. Our slide waxing guy has jury duty this weekend. Anyhow, Doofenshmirtz has purchased some suspicious items: 4 helicopter blades, 2 dozen party balloons, and light bulbs. 6000 of them. He's hiding out at the old abandoned cake factory on the edge of t-- Carl, the light bulb and the "6000". Still on the screen. (The light bulb and x6000 disappear) Ah, thanks, Carl. Locate Doofenshmirtz and figure out what he's up to. Don't fail us, Agent P. (Perry salutes Monogram and goes down yet another squeaky slide) (Back in the mall, at Mr. Slushy Dog) Jeremy: Oh, hey Candace. Candace: Heh. My cell phone appears to be ringing. (Snapshot) Whoops! My camera went off! (Giggling) (Meanwhile, the boys is in the food court; and Ferb records how long it took for the top scoop to drop) Phineas: Well, that was an interesting experiment. Baljeet: Excuse me, but why are you not studying? Phineas: It's summer vacation. You know, no school, and teachers aren't around, and all you have to worry about are bullies? (At this moment, Buford comes, sits on Baljeet, shoves his books aside, drinks his drink, crumples it up, and throws it behind him which hits a kid) Eh, Buford? That seat's kinda taken. Buford: This table's taken. Sit somewhere else. Phineas: What about Baljeet? Baljeet: (Muffled) Please go. You will just make him angry. (At that mnoment, Phineas' ice cream falls on Buford) Buford: Aiee! (everyone laughs at Buford, causing him to get angry and grab Phineas) This is gonna hurt. Isabella: Hey! Put him down! Baljeet: Do as she says! (Buford pulls Baljeet from under him) Violence can only lead to more violence. Buford: Sounds good to me. Man: Hold it! Isabella: World heavyweight boxing champion Evander Holyfield? Phineas: Aren't you a little old to be a professional boxer? Evander: Yes. Yes I am. Phineas: Cool. Evander: If you have to fight, do it time-honored way, out behind the mall at 3:00. Phineas: Uh, Ferb. How's our 3:00? (Ferb checks his book and gives a thumbs-up) We'll be there. Buford: (drops Phineas) Don't be late. My mom's pickin' me up at 4:00. Phineas: It looks like we found something to do today. Baljeet: What you have found is a One-way magic carpet ride to your own destruction. Isabella: He's right. Remember what happened to the last kid Buford fought? (In a very brief flashback, a boy is shown with a toilet on his head) Boy: (muffled) You win this round, Buford. (Back to the present) Isabella: I don't want that to happen to you. Evander: It won't, 'cause I'm gonna train him. (Song: "He's a Bully") Your opponent is as big as an ape So if you wanna avoid being mangled Just like him, you've got to get into shape And by shape I don't mean a triangle He's big, he's dumb, he's got the I.Q. of gum He's got the brain about the size of a sourdough crumb But he'll beat on your head like a big bass drum, His behavior is truly unruly, He's a bully! (He's a bully!) Yeah, He's a bully! (He's a bully!) Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah-yeah...! Milly: Here you go, Brawl at the mall. 3:00, Brawl at the mall. Candace: The "Brawl at the mall"? (She goes outside to the parking lot where Phineas and Ferb are making a boxing ring) What do you two think you're doing? You can't just go building a boxing ring out here in the parking lot! I'm telling Mom right now! (On her way, she takes another picture of Jeremy) (Back at the Squat 'n Stitch, Linda's Trio's gig is still in session) Candace: Mom, Phineas and Ferb are at it again! Linda: Not now, Candace. Oh, My solo! (Plays triangle) Candace: Oh, I need proof. The flyer! (Meanwhile, Agent P reaches the old abandoned cake factory and sneaks in. Suddenly, the floors opens under him and he falls in a bowl of cake mix) Doofenshmirtz: (Laughs) Perry the Platypus! I trapped you in a giant bowl filled to the brim with Doonkelberry cake mix. You see, Today is my birthday! Struggle all you want, Perry the Platypus. But in 30 to 40 minutes, the yeast will rise, and you'll be buried alive! Here, have some. Unfortunately, my birthday has always been the lousiest day of the year. It all began on the day of my actual birth... (Flashback of baby Doofenshmirtz being born in a hospital) Both of my parents failed to show up. (Cut to 5 year old Doofenshmirtz who uncovers his eyes) By the age of 5, I was forced to throw my own surprise party... at ''Gunther Goat Cheese's: The goat-cheesiest place in all of Druselstein. Many of my closest friends were there: Count Wolfgang, Betty the She-Boar, Raputin, and the licekins, Olga and Chicago Joe. (The scene pans to the animals, including Olga and Chicago Joe, who were Candace's Coaches from "Lights, Candace, Action!").'' Employee: Hello, Boys and—Oh. Hmm... Awkward. Uh, Hey kid, lock up when you're done, okay? (Slams door) Doofenshmirtz: But one should never walk the paths of Druselstein. With uncovered Doonkelberry cake, lest the Doonkelberry bats swarm. Young Doofenshmirtz: (Screams) (Flashback ends) Doofenshmirtz: But this year, I won't be celebrating my birthday alone. Behold, The Slave-inator! You see, the crowd will do whatever the Slave-inator tells them to do! (he types some keys and the word CLAP appear on the inator; Agent P claps) I even have a Cleanup party button, Because the worst part of a party is the cleanup, am I right? (helicopter blades lift the Slave-inator) Farewell, Perry the Platypus, and happy birthday to me! (Perry blows the whale whistle and a whale crashes through wall. He then blows the bat whistle and some Doonkleberry bats come and eat the cake mix.) (In the mall's parking lot, at the "Brawl at the Mall" event...) Announcer: L-llll-ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls! He's from a bad home, he's missing a chromosome, Buford the Bully-yyyy! A-aaaa-and in this corner, he's got moves, he's got grace, his nose takes up his entire face, Fabulous Phinea-aaaa-as Flynn! (To the boys) Okay, boys. Let's have a fair and square fight, and in no way should this ensuing fight contain the image of a potentially harmful, hurtful, or psychologically disturbing act, that could be found imitable by an impressionable child viewer. Buford: Aw-wwww! Announcer: Boys and Girls, l-llll-let's get r-rr-ready to Thumb Wrestl-llll-le! (They stick their thumbs in a pretend boxing ring.) (In the mall's storage closet, Candace is talking with Holly and Ginger.) Holly: Sorry, we're out of flyers. Candace: Poster? Holly: Nope. Candace: Action figures? Holly: Sold out. Candace: Commemorative coin? Holly: All gone. Candace: 8 x 10 glossy photo?!? Holly: Those sold like hot cakes. Candace: (Gasps) Photo! Yes! Photographic evidence! (Candace goes up to take another photo of Jeremy, but when she sees that it's 99% full, she gets upset and leaves, to Jeremy's dismay) (Meanwhile, the Slave-inator displays the words HAPPY BIRTHDAY Doofenshmirtz on the screen while Agent P follows with the bats) Doofenshmirtz: Perry the Platypus! Well, if you're gonna crash my party, you're gonna need a party hat. A party hat of doom! (shoots one at Agent P, who moves out of the way causing the party hat to hit a table causing the party favors to fall on the floor, he then charges towards Doofenshmirtz and hits him a bunch of times with the party favors) (Cut to the fighting ring. A bell rings, Phineas and Buford's thumbs perform their starting dance) Crowd: 1, 2, 3, 4, I declare a thumb war! (The thumbs finish their dances and fight) Announcer: The fighters spring to life, they're squaring up to each other, YOW! Flynn hits the mat! Buford gots him where he wants him, and look, and oh! Into the turnbuckle! Clothesline! That can't feel good! Hold onto your seats folks, this one's gonna be brutal! (Cut back to Agent P and Doofenshmirtz; Perry fights Doofenshmirtz with noisemakers and the doctor fights Perry with ping-pong paddles; but Perry is overwhelmed and knocked off but manages to hang on to the edge screen.) Doofenshmirtz: Still hanging around, Perry the Platypus? (Slams keyboard on Perry's fingers; the Slave-inator spells out "000000000000000000000) Crowd: Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooh... Doofenshmirtz: Why don't you let go? Doesn't it hurt your fingers? (Cut back to Phineas, Ferb and Evander) Phineas: I don't think this is going so well. Evander: Nonsense, kid. Go for the gold! Fight fire with fire! Aw, shoot. Shoot him the stink-eye! Uh, Grease the pig! Ah, I got nothing. Announcer: (Bell rings) A right hook! A darting left jab! (Slow motion) No! Candace: Photo, photo, photo, photo. (Song: "It's Going So Badly") (Man singing opera) Announcer: Buford is climbing the turnbuckles! He's on the top rope! (Candace takes picture) Oh! The dreaded Boston belt sander! (Buford laughing) (Inside...) Candace: Mom!!! (She runs up to her and shows the picture on her phone.) Finally, indisputable photographic evidence of dangerous and irresponsible behavior! Linda: Candace, this is your thumb in front of the lens. (Candace looks at her phone, it shows a photo of Phineas with her thumb covering most of his face.) Candace: AAAAAH! Oh...you are coming with me! (drags her out) Doofenshmirtz: And now, Perry the Platypus, I will smudge your face with ice cream! (Laughing maniacally; Perry blows whale whistle) Wait, W-what are you doing? What is that? (Whale jumps over Slave-inator, knocking the ice cream out of the cone) Nooooo! Wait!! (Song: "It's Going So Badly") (Man singing opera) Announcer: No! Oh, the humanity! Flynn falls hard! The crowd's on its feet! Man: It's going so badly! It's over! It's all over! Our hero's on the rope and now it's looking like the end (Evander and Announcer sobbing, suddenly, Doof's ice cream splats on Phineas' head, leaving everyone quiet.) Buford: (Laughs) Ice cream fell on you! (Laughs) Now we're both humiliated in public! (helds out his hand) Whaddya say? Even Steven? Phineas: Sure Buford. Even Steven. (shakes Buford's hand) (Cut back to Doofenshmirtz and Perry) Doofenshmirtz: Wait! How did you do th-- (backs up against a pole) Hey, where did that whale come from? Oh, this is the worst party ever! (Perry escapes on a red balloon while Doofenshmirtz screams) My birthday cake! (Escapes on the helicopter blades with his cake) Goodbye, Perry the Platypus! At least I still have my cake! (Cake splats onto Doofenshmirtz while the bats squeak and charge at Doofenshmirtz) Curse you, Perry the Platypus! (All that can be heard from him were shouts of pain) (The Slave-inator falls on the boxing ring causing the words CLEAN UP PARTY MESS to be displayed on the screen) Man: Hey, I have a strange urge to clean up this mess... Woman: Me too... Man #2: Let's do it... Woman: I'll take care of the whale... (Later, the ring is removed) Buford: Thank you, Mr. Holyfield. Phineas: Yeah. Wouldn't have been real without you. Evander: Happy to help you boys find a slightly less valid way to settle your differences. (Perry walks up and chatters) Phineas: There you are, Perry. (The mall door slams open, Candace drags Linda out) Candace: See?!! Phineas: Hi, Mom! Linda: Hi, boys! (at Candace, sternly) If you'll excuse me, Candace, I'm gonna get back for the second set. (leaves) Candace: (Squeaks, faints) (Cut to Phineas, Ferb and Buford) Buford: Hey, Dinnerbell, that was the best battle ever. Same thing tomorrow? Phineas: Nah. I like to keep moving forward. Ferb: Sharks have to continue to move forward, or they'll drown. Buford: (angry again) You calling me a shark?! (Horror sting, Ferb does a Vulcan-style nerve pinch.) Buford: Blagh! (Faints) Phineas: Ferb?! Ferb: Well, he was all up on my face. Buford: (Groans) What happened? (faints again) End Credits (Song:" He's a Bully") He's big, he's dumb, he's got the I.Q. of gum He's got the brain about the size of a sourdough crumb But he'll beat on your head like a big bass drum His behavior is truly unruly He's a bully! (He's a bully!) Yeah, He's a bully! (He's a bully!) Yeah, yeah! Yeah, yeah-yeah! Category:Transcripts Category:R